Expectations In A Commitment—Are They Sustainable?
A closer look
Expectations in a commitment: is it sustainable
In this day and age
When divorce has become fairly common
Are we not missing something important
When we still use words like “Till death do us part” in a marriage?
Why are we not growing up
Why are we not waking up
To understanding ourselves
And the world around us yet?
Doesn’t it mean that we are behaving
as if we are illiterate beings?
If we still expect the man or woman we married to
To stay committed to us forever
And devoted
Especially when we do nothing much really
to keep them edging closer to us
Everyday?
To be clear I am not asking you to put on make up
Or sing and dance to your spouse daily
to keep them entertained
Or interested
But how many of us
Just because they signed a paper
Have treated them as if they were unpaid laborers
Who chose to commit to us as if
that were a privilege they had been bestowed
to rise out of poverty?
Were they?
And how many of us seek to twist
And turn and mold and shape them
Simply because, again, we assume we can
In other words, try to be controlling
To bend to our whims and fancies
And become what we want them to be?
Is this what is called commitment
Is this what is called love
Shouldn’t marriages work only because
love ruled and not expectations?
To be clear I want you to ask yourself this
“Would I still continue to love this person
If he or she refused to attend to me
as he committed to each and everyday?
Would I still continue to be committed to him or her
If he or she never knew how to treat me well
Or love me as marriage demanded?
Would I still continue to attend to him or her
Would I still continue to do my duty to him or her
Be devoted
Be faithful
And keep on loving them
If they never showed any love, understanding or commitment in action towards me?
Do I really love them
Or is it only expectation that I am marrying?
And if I am saying ‘yes’ to all of the above
How long will it take to break my resolution to do so ?
Does “Till death do us part” still mean anything to me?
Think about this before you get married
Know your thresholds and state them clearly
Don’t be blind and end up falling into blind alleys
Or ditches
And then repent in misery
Don’t expect without stating your expectations clearly
before you commit to anything
Because you have only one life
And it is worth living joyfully
Love has not much meaning in today’s world
Not everybody understands what it means to commit to a marriage
And not many come to a marriage to grow together as a family
But use the other for their convenience
That is the sad reality of the world we live in
Where the meaning of love is not taught in every family
And as a result, men and women do not even know how to love each other
Or what to expect in a family setting
Selfishness extends into the home
As it does everywhere else
When we know the truth
The truth can set us free
And that’s the point of this post from me
This is my take in this matter
If you find fault in my understanding
Please feel free to counteract me!
Thank you for reading
Comments are always very welcome
And much appreciated
Peace ✌🏽
This piece feels like someone speaking from lived experience, trying to make sense of why love so often collapses under the weight of what we never say out loud. There’s a quiet ache in the way it describes how marriage can turn into habit, into entitlement, into two people assuming the other will stay simply because they once promised to. The questions cut gently but deeply, asking whether we truly love the person in front of us or just the comfort of having someone there. The text exposes how easily we stop choosing each other, how easily control replaces tenderness. Beneath the critique, there’s a longing for relationships built on presence, honesty, and daily care rather than obligation. It mourns how many of us were never taught how to love, how to communicate, or how to grow alongside another human being. The piece urges us to know our limits, speak our needs, and refuse the blindness that leads to quiet misery. It’s not cynical it’s protective, almost maternal in its clarity. And at its core lies a simple, human truth: love survives only when both people keep showing up, not just once, but every day.
“Do I really love them / Or is it only expectation that I am marrying?”
oof. that’s the question that quietly flips the table. love as a living practice, not a lifetime subscription with fine print. uncomfortable, necessary, and very awake.